Son of a beach

By smokeymo

Fifty-three per cent of Florida’s Cocoa Beach voters told their city council they did not want them to make it illegal to light up on the local beach. Just as well for if this namby-pamby resolution had gone through the local Trolls would have been allowed to enjoy a barbecue (of non-smoking hicory-flavoured elves) but not allowed to ignite their cigars from the flames fanning the meat.

Well excuse me for asking but what’s the problem with smoking on any beach? Tiny trails of exhaled tobacco smoke are hardly likely to make a difference in the open air, and there’s lots of water available to put out any fire. And all those cigar stubs are great for tarting up sandcastles and flicking at the surfers.

A couple of years ago I was loping round a Galician beach at 2am (as you do, if you’re a hungry troll) and torched my Havana from one of the hundreds of bonfires that illuminated Northern Spain’s beaches on the shortest summer night of the year. Nobody coughed or complained of the second hand passive smoking from my giant stogie, but then I was armed with my trusty blood-stained axe and too drunk to take prisoners. Believe me, if one of the anti-smoking elves had uttered one word they would have been permanently passive.

Besides, a sandy beach is the perfect ashtray. And a great place to bury non-smoking puritans.